2 weeks on duloxetine

I took the last 150mg dose of bupropion hydrochloride 2 weeks ago, the morning before I saw the doctor. I’ve been on 30mg of duloxetine (snri) for abot 2 weeks now)

that Saturday when i started the new meds we went to visit my ouma (grandma) out of town. i was still feeling very crappy and irrefutable. Gabi was still in her cone so we had to take her with which is stressful because she is used to getting treats at ouma’s. Gabi ate some cut-ff and sinews from my dad’s lamb chop.
on Monday (last week) her gut was bleeding, so i had to take her to the vet.

i was still experiencing headaches and dizziness though by the end of this week this has become less. my body movements was still less regular.

though since stopping the bupropion i wasn’t feeling so jumpy and tense the whole time and i slept a bit better. i don’t have any melotonin (not readily available in SA) or sleeping pills left…and i slept okay despite of this.

i’ve been very stressed about Gabi and only took her cone off yesterday all though it’s been off at short intervals  before.
i still have the constant rectal pain/irritation.

my mood still sucks. the meds haven’t really started helping for the germaphobia and ocd  symptoms yet and i still worry about food and i still worry about getting candida even though the doc saw no sign of it in my last exam.

yesterday it took me over half an hour to pick a body lotion because o wanted something both fragrance free and not tested on animals (labled cruelty free) and nothing fit both criteria.

had nachos for dinner last night, couldn’t enjoy it.

i need a new laptop (keyboard and battery) but cant afford it.


Change in Meds

Saw my doctor on Friday. She took me off the bupropion hydrochloride because it was making me feel so anxious.
she put me on duloxetine which is an SNRI and should also help with OCD symptoms. I’ve been taking it for 2 days now.

I was on this before for a short while in combo with lithium (I stopped both when the lithium trashed my thyroid – I was using the lithium with an SSRI before that).

she suggested that we might try adding a low dose of  bupropion later on if the duloxetine isn’t enough and to give me more drive.

I also had blood drawn on Friday to test my testosterone and vitamin D levels.

On Saturday we visited my grandma, out of town. I took my dog, Gabi, with because I couldn’t leave her home a long for that long at this stage. I found this quite stressful because she’s still in the cone. She normally gets yummy food at grandma’s and now she’s on a much stricter diet. I couldn’t bare giving her nothing and everyone was saying “oh come on”, so I gave her a tiny bit of mashed peas and some bits from my dad’s lamb chop. Today her tummy sounds upset. I had her cone off for a while today, everything seemed okay. i came back from getting coffee in the kitchen to see that she had scratched open the stitch under her eye. put ointment on the wound and put her cone back on. This is causing me a lot of worry.  I really hope she will heal faster now.

I’m not feeling quite as on the edge as I felt a few days ago, but i still feel pretty horrible.
I’ve been constipated a lot this past week. I’ve also experienced dizziness and rapid heart-beat. I haven’t really been doping my stretching exercises for my PFD physio.

I really hope I start feeling better really soon.




bad dog mom

I feel like a “bad mom” for not coping better with my dog Gabi’s health issues. She’s still wearing a cone (though it was off for about an hour today before she started licking at her wounds. have to put it back on so she doesn’t bite off any scabs or stitches). she’s still all over the place, wanting to be tucked in her bed, then five minutes later on the couch, then to be let out, then back in. she still doesn’t want to go for walks, which is okay, but she gets a bit hyper at times. it’s exhausting me.

i had my PFD physio yesterday. sounds like i only have to go for one more session, which is good news.

i’m still feeling horrible on the welbutrin and struggling to adjust to it. i start with the full dose on saturday. i emailed my doctor today, to update her on how it’s going. i’m crying a lot. sometimes already in the morning when i wake up already.

i’ll have to go for blood tests at least a week before I see her on in 2 and a half weeks.

this laptop’s keyboard is annoying me tremendously.

not dealing well

there is a thunder storm so, my dog, Gabi is scared and hiding in her bed under my desk. i’m playing music for her. she is still in a cone.it tried to take it off today, but she scratched at the stitch under her eye. the skin on her tummy and chest looks broken and sore. my mom think the cortisone type things in the  ointment is thinning her skin and casing bleeding. so going to stop for a day or two. this is causing me lots of worry. i hope her wounds will heal soon and we won’t have to go to the vet. tonight she tried to go through the security door with her cone (she can normally go in/out through the bars). i’m doing the best i can but right now it’s very draining.

it was a long weekend, with today being a day off because off yesterday being a public holiday (heritage) on a sunday.  i had to feed my brother and SIL’s cat because they went away for the weekend.

my gut is very uncomfortable. i’m not sure if it’s because of the new meds, something i’m eating or because i’m eating too much. i’m constantly eating emotionally because of stress/anxiety/feeling irritated. i know it’s why i’m eating. but nothing satisfies me and i and i can’t stop. outside of meals it’s mostly things like fruit, nuts and granola/ oats type things.

i’m still on the half/ intro dose of the bupropion hydrochloride until friday but it’s still driving me nuts. i’;m stressing and obsessing. not sleeping well and constantly bursting into tears.  i have had a headache most of the time. i’m also not getting much sleep despite taking my melotonin supplement (which is going to run out soon and not available except at the integrated health doctor who i’m not seeing anymore). i even took  zolpidem twice, but i’ve run out and i don’t really want to drink that.
i probably should drink less coffee now, but i don’t to. it’s one of the few little pleasures i have.

i have to go for physio tomorrow for my PFD. part of me thinks I should just cancel all these appointments, because i’ve i’m dead it will just be another waste. i’m seeing the doctor for the follow p for my pfd and meds next month, but i’m not sure i’ll be able to hang on. i’ll give it a few more days and call/email her again if i don’t feel better.

i’m exhausting my parents with my moods, especially my mom. they’re being patient, but it’s tough on everyone. i wish i could just stop feeling like this, and eating like this and being so irritable, impatient and being so unpleasant to be around.

i hope i get some sleep tonight.



Dr emailed me back.

The doctor emailed me back about my meds. She said it’s too soon to stop trying the bupropion hydrochloride, I should try to continue with it until i see her in 3 weeks.

I didn’t take it this morning, but i guess I’ll have to take it again tomorrow. I feel very crappy, (though today – not, taking the welbutrin – slightly better than yesterday). Maybe it’s just side effects I need to wait out, but it’s horrible.  Maybe it’s all psychosomatic.

Gabi is very playful, but doesn’t want to leave the yard. I guess she’s scared we’ll go to the vet. I also don’t want to put her harness on because i think it might scratch against her wounds. I’m also hesitant to take her to the park where there might be other dogs while she’s vulnerable like this. So for now we just play with her tug toys.


bang my head against a wall

My mom got annoyed and lost her temper bit, with me last night and it set in off crying. Right before dinner. Did not enjoy meal at all. Took a zolpidem and went to bed early. cried again when I woke up.

Emailed the doctor about my medication because this Welbutrin is making me feel worse.

When I spoke to the vet on Saturday he said it’s okay we can bath Gabi. Bathed her to day and now the wounds look bad, some scabs are off. Not a good idea. Had me in tears, again. Put on some more ointment.

Some sales person called the landline while i was putting Gabi. mom didn’t want to speak to the person so i had to deal with her and it worked  me up tremendously.

My mom spends most of her time just lying on her bed. Her depression has had aig impact on my own. I’m glad I don’t have kids.

It’s only 1:30 pm.